This year....

This year started as a struggle. It started as a struggle to accept that I am not perfect, much as I would like to believe. Much as I would like to believe, that I too act out of selfishness and hunger and greed and the need to self-glorify. I 'cheated' on a girl+friend at the end of last year. And as this year begun -- as I struggled with my selfish, greedy, hungry, self-glorifying self -- I had a far bigger battle to fight. One where I was trying desperately to not lose my girl+friend.

I lost the second fight. The bigger one. The far more important one, at least prima facie.

I'd like to think I won the first fight. But I've noticed there's almost always a difference between what you'd like to think and what actually is.

I'd accept all faults willingly, if I'd won the second fight. But post-traumatic stress, I couldn't imagine what it would be like to accept I am a lesser man than I once thought.

As this year progressed, I lost more. But still, not all was lost.

I'm a single man now. Not attached in any way to any one. I find hope in this new freedom. Hope that I'm at the eve of a long day that's ended early. Maybe I'll sleep before midnight. Maybe I'll get an early start tomorrow.

Maybes are for the commitment-wary. Sigh, okay, I'll add it to the list.